Secrets

I have been in contact with a long time friend. We used to ride the bus together. He liked me a lot and thought we'd hook up but I was grossed out by the idea- he wasn't my type and we stayed cool. He began to work with someone and eventually they hooked up and had a son. I've met her and she seemed nice- a bit on the crazy side but he made his decision and has regretted it.... the son turned 8 in October. A few years back she moved to GA with the son. My friend barely sees him but I would believe he calls to talk to him and check on him, etc. Around the kid's birthday I tell my friend to wish him happy birthday and ask what he's getting for birthday or if he'd go down to see him. Today, I asked him about the son- what he was thinking about getting him for christmas and this is his response:

Good morning how are you doing today? I never told you this but I have two boys. You never saw TJ. You are my best friend and I don't know why I never told you. But Adonte' turned 8 this year and TJ will be five in March. I apologize I never told you. I wanted you to have another one too. So we can be equal. I know that sounds stupid but that's the way I was thinking. I hope you can forgive me. They are both in Georgia now and I don't know what they want for Christmas yet. Every time I call they are either sleep or she is out working.. I hope you can forgive me..

naturally, I'm in shock because I am still unsure why he didnt tell me about the other son. So I asked if it's by the son's mother or did she have another while living down there and he sort of 'adopted' him. He hasn't responded yet.

My thing is if he thought of me as his best friend- why the secret? We dont hang out, we dont call each other, we dont spend time for me to judge or make comments. We've been to the movies once. Our time and lives keep us from being that brother-sister type. He's living his life (single man)- I would suppose he's happy. active in his church. hard working. responsible. independent. I'm at a complete loss to his response.

This is not the first time this is happened to me either which is why I asked 'is it me?'. I was seeing someone for a bit. When we met I asked him how many kids he had- he told me one, showed me a photo. couple of years into the courting, still the one son is brought up and by accident, he mentions another son who's older than the one I saw a pic of. Guy said he didnt know why he didnt tell me when I asked and didnt want me to turn him away because he had 2 kids. he was cut off immediately.

I'm very passionate about males who father children and dont involve themselves. You can have 100 but if you aren't supporting them spiritually, emotionally or financially- no, i dont want to be bothered with you. Neither of these people knew I was that sort of person and I'm confused as to this withholding information thing...

Guys, if you can shed some light on this behavior, that would help a great deal. I think this is stupid but I must have missed something.

ps- he responded. same woman. told him hell he mind as well move down there and marry her at this point. i mentioned that i thought she ran him through too much pain to go there with her but again, congrats to both of you.