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What's on my mind?

What's on my mind?

Wednesday, October 12, 2005


This question was asked and you know i had to jump on it:

For you ladies with children please give me some advice:Why is my child's father (so ghetto) is making $11 an hour, works fulltime, lives with his momma, and can't give his daughter shit. I alwayssaid i would not take him to court for child support cause i want to doit with out him telling me he deserves credit for shit but, it iskilling me that i am spending $300 every two weeks for day care when heliving like a rapper in the BX. My boyfriend and I are struggling tomake sure that she is taken care of, bills are paid, and we can surviveand he is living cool. Excuse me but i am really feeling bitter. IT ISNOT FAIR :(What do you ladies think?

Hmm is he my baby's daddy as well?

you are right. it's not fair and i've realized that no matter how much breath you are putting out there, no matter if you send pics of the child, no matter if you say 'if you loved your child you would do this'- they wont do it unless they want to. He may think he's gotten away from something, but guilt has a way of festering.

My son's father and I have known each other since our early teens. You'd think that after 20 years of chasing someone would get it together. You'd think that after witnessing the birth of the child, perhaps a revelation would come about (i must work. i must provide. i must be there for the child). Nope. I had to come to the realization that he's not interested in being a father. And it's not even the financial aspect. Dude is so afraid to sit with me and talk numbers because he knows I've got documentation and I dont lie to get over.

If he (meaning the deadbeat dads) doesnt know it now, he will in the near future that a child isn't an inconvenience. A child is the representative of happier times. The male (not man) will miss many opportunities to do right. His loss- YOUR GAIN. I dont know if you want the hassle of doing CS. I mean, you'll have him in the system for a long time and he would be obligated to pay. Doesn't mean he will. Does that mean you'll keep going back and forth to court? I dont know. It's a personal call. show up the first time. he may pay a lil here and there and stop. you have the option of letting it build into the thousands or run to court each time he doesn't pay. I'd have him in the system just in case he does 'be in it to win it' and hits...

Ladies. Imagine this. I decided I mind as well go forth and obtain full custody of my son. Why? 2 reasons... 1- Because since January 2, 1995, 3:32pm I've been providing for him without half stepping. He is deserving of a full time provider, nuturer and spiritual guide. Not a quasi parent. 2- for our trip to Mexico, the Embassy wanted a letter from the father stating he authorized my taking the child out of the country (I understood this with the kidnappings and things but shit, the male aint paying for the trip or for the clothes for the trip). I typed up the letter and had him notarize it. I was heated because I felt he wasn't authorized to give ME any type of authorization/permission to do a damn thing with the child.. anyway, The lawyer met with me and the child and proceeded with my request. It was clear to him, as well as the family court that the father served no real purpose in the child's life. As a settlement, he's to let me know 48 hours in advance if he wants to see the child. Nothing doing because he doesn't call at all. He doesn't pop up unexpectedly. He doesn't do impromptu plans with the child. He doesn't exist. In court, the judge (a female) asked me and the father questions. What saddened me is that he didn't fight my request. He allowed me to have full custody. He had no income and the child support isn't constant. He had nothing to say, nothing to discuss, nothing to debate, absolutely had no reason to say 'i can't allow this to happen'.. he did not fight for his child and at the moment, i knew. . .

Let the sucker sit and rot. He had his chance and that in and out crap doesn't fly too well. You and your man sit and budget. look for bargains on clothes, day care and whatever else you can do. I commend your man for stepping in- that's certainly admirable. Think of ways to save on food and things. cut out those coupons, use store cards, etc. With the gas going up, tighten the belt. I am not a label hog. Whatever fits and looks fashionable, the kid wears. lol. And that goes for me too. I'm doing more shopping in NJ because NY taxes are killing me. I've stopped wasting food- meaning buying what I'll use, not what I'll end up tossing out. I bring my breakfast (box of cereal, milk is free at the job), and my lunch. I use coupons and store cards. I've stopped buying a gallon of milk (shit is like $4).. knowing I'll use only half gallon- $1.64. Every bit of change I accummulate goes into the jar- eventually that goes to Coinstar and the bills go into savings. I'm doing more online transactions for paying bills (this is for those who dont have free checking, i do but dammit, stamps cost)...I did send that daily budget sheet- I can send it to you directly if you feel it will help somewhat. Sometimes it helps to see spenditures on a daily basis and that way you can see where it's going. I know daycare is expensive. I had a God Fearing, Praise the Lord woman OVERcharge me. But because I needed her (school and work), she had that control. Costed me $600 a month, $125 a week. Imagine doing that for 6 years. And I was earning less back then. Now, I've found reliable people to get the kid- they help with the homework, he does some running around- and they just went up from $70-$80 a week. I even changed banks. Citibank didn't have free checking even when I was doing direct deposit and they had the maintenance fee. So a few times, checks were bouncing more than Kobe. Now I'm with Chase, got the overdraft protection, the free checking and I'm more aware of my transactions.

1 comment:


It's definately unfair. I would love to create a mommy network, so that we women can help one another when these deadbeats are doing nothing. We can share info and help one another, like sisters. That would repair our broken down relationships, too. You know we sisters have communication issues.
I have a deadbeat situation, too. This guy owes over $10,000, there's an arrest warrant out for his arrest and the courts just keep rescheduling the court date, hoping they'll show up. Luckily my son has a dad (my other son's dad) but believe me, it still hurts, that his biological dad is a wuss. Anytime you wanna send me an e-mail or chat, let me know. We women--mommies gotta stick together!