Ok. What the fuck happened yesterday? Was this screw with Nicole? I get to the shop on time. She's 45 minutes late. AND Ricky's not around to cut Wm's hair. So the child had to sit and wait until I was finished. I run to get more cheese for the mac and rush home to get things started. 5:30pm is the the deadline. I cook, I sweat. He calls after 4pm and says 'what's up' Now 5:30's not happenin he tells me. But never tells me what time is good. Wm's eaten, and I'm wondering what time to leave to take him to Parkchester. I page the fool. He doesn't return the call. I call, he picks up. It's now 8:30. He says he's still coming over. I take Wm and come back. No show. I'm wondering if I should pack up the food and go to bed. He shows up maybe 10 mins after I come home. I dont hold the door open. just unlock it. yeah i have an attitude that's got me seething. 4 hours late? he claims he never agreed 5:30 was good for him. never said it wasnt either. he's tryin to hug and kiss on me. said i know i miss him and i said how can i miss someone who's not my guy? he said 'oh lawdddddddd' and walked out of the kitchen. eventually he got a hold of me and sat me on his lap and held me. called me 'his baby'. i said 'oh really? when did this happen? was there a memo because i never got it'... i love that man but damn it he made me really upset. he said i should give him credit for him making the effort of showing up. took me a while to warm up to him. If it wasn't for The Anchorman, i dont know how i would have been by the time he left. one day imma say to him 'why dont you tell me you love me and get it over with'.. maybe he's waiting for me to say it first. tonight i was suppose to see him. i know he mentioned making cd's. i didn't bother to call him. i just feel 'icky' with talking to him right now. maybe i'll see him weds. lawd knows he's got enough of my movies for us to watch. i'm waiting for him to take me shopping. maybe i should stop waiting.
still trying to think of a gift for cliff... *sigh*
dad called. he never made it to bayboro. my instincts are right on the money as usual. something about his body not being ready for it and stuff. whateva.
i'm beginning to wonder if i should focus more on writing. there's a part of me that wants to explore and there's another part that doesn't think i'm good enough. if i do this writing i'd like to become published. i'm fearing i may run out of ideas or sound like a copycat. what do i do