Today, I was asked "How do you feel?" to this person, I wanted to say "like crap on a cracker" but couldn't find the words. I left it to 'eh. I'm here. I'm OK'.
But I'm not OK. I feel withdrawn and lost. Drained. Absorbed. My outlook on life is not bleak but it's not coated with a silver lining either. As I reflect on my age and what I have accomplished, it seems like I've wasted so much time and yep, ENERGY.
The question has come up- quite often- NOW WHAT?
My mind spins, forcing to separate needs from wants. It makes me tired and frustrated. There is a continuous craving for change, for life anew, and physically, I'm so zapped, mentally, I'm tapped, nothing is being done.
I know my diet has improved. My activity could use a boost. I know that, even with both in sync, I'd still feel like a boulder, obstructing, unmoving, heavy. I'm in a box and I don't have to strength to push out of it. Does this mean I don't want to?