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What's on my mind?

What's on my mind?

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Today- Remember Blog "Torn"??

I've lost my best friend. It is her birthday. She has pulled away from me and I do not know why. I have learned to realize that true friendship is hard to come by and acquaintances are by the handfuls. 20+ years she's been an acquaintance.

For a long some time, I've thought long and hard about the times she was there for me. My road dawg, my homie, my partner in crime. I came up fairly dry. She was the one who knew my secrets but now, she knows none. I am disappointed and hurt. Should I take it personally? I don't know but I do.

Today is her birthday and for the first time during our companionship, I did not call. I could not bring myself to do it. To my surprise SHE did not call.

Am I wrong if I've been feeling used for a long time? Last time we've spoken, her little one needed something I did what I could in addition to. That's my goddaughter but I sense I will be estranged from her too. My son is her godson. She was there when he entered the world. Not a call to check on him.

My mind believes there is a new male in her life. Not man. She's not ready for that. When that male enters her life, no one else exists. There is no juggling of personal and social relationships. The focus is entirely on the guy. Sorry to say but I will not be around to pick up the pieces.

I am not asking for those 4 hour phone calls. That was back in the day when we had no phone bills and could talk all night about who we saw or who we're crushing on. We are bill-paying parents now. Who has that kind of time or money? 15 minutes tops. I was told that I'm good for always wanting to stay in touch. See how you and your family are doing, that sort of thing. I wish more people would reciprocate the gesture. This is all I want from my former friend. Hello. We are fine. How are you and the fam? A check-in call goes a long way. I am exhausted. I can no longer chase this person.

I can only wish her well and pray that good things will come her way. She will be missed but I must move on.

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